Ive avoided looking at you since i came into the room. Now lying here with your baby brother its worse. He opens his sweet eyes, my eyes, and reminds me that i never saw yours. It was for the best. A baby born sleeping can't have felt pain. I have come to the conclusion that I genuinly don't believe in god. Yet I have foresaken the very idea of him. I scoff those who speak him and resent the deeds done in his name. I do however believe that although i barely knew you, you knew me. Maybe you just thought we werent ready. Or perhaps your purpose was to be filled before you met the earth. Perhaps to remind us to treasure every moment... to remember to serve other in pain... to ensure your sister and brother are never once taken for granted. I still long to have gotten to know you. Even in death and not fully developed you were beautiful. I am thankful every day that I had the priviledge of knowing you best. I cherish every kick and twist i felt during the short time your heart beat inside of mine. Im sorry i could not have shared you with anyone else...
Lying here I miss your smile. I like to think that your little brother smiles so much so young so as to deliver the ones your lips were too tiny to make. I love you.
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I decided to blog today....
10 years ago