Blessed

Rascal Flatts

"Bless The Broken Road"
(originally by Nitty Gritty Dirt Band)

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

[Chorus:]
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
(Yes He did)

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true.

[Chorus]

Yeah.

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

My song tonight

Roll, won’t you come roll with me slow, fast, full speed
Girl wherever sweet time takes us
Hang, with me down this old road
Only god knows where we’ll go
Don’t matter long as I’ve got your love

[Chorus]
I don’t ever want to wake up,
Lookin’ into someone else’s eyes
Another Voice calling me baby
On the other end of the phone
A new girl puttin’ on her makeup
Before dinner on Friday night
No I don’t ever wanna know, Oh O
No other shotgun rider, beside me, singin’ to the radio, Woohoo Oh O

Slide, slide over nice and close
Lay your head down on my shoulder
You can fall asleep I’ll let you
Dream, life aint nothing but a dream, don’t wanna be
Cruisin’ through this dream without you

[Chorus]
I don’t ever want to wake up,
Lookin’ into someone else’s eyes
Another Voice calling me baby
On the other end of the phone
A new girl puttin’ on her makeup
Before dinner on Friday night
No I don’t ever wanna know, Oh O
No other shotgun rider, beside me, singin’ to the radio, Woohoo Oh O
No other shotgun rider, Oh O

[Chorus]
I don’t ever want to wake up,
Lookin’ into someone else’s eyes
Another Voice calling me baby
On the other end of the phone
A new girl puttin’ on her makeup
Before dinner on Friday night
No I don’t ever wanna know, Oh O
No other shotgun rider, beside me, singin’ to the radio, Woohoo Oh O

No other shotgun rider, Oh O

Singin’ to the radio, Oh O

You’re my shotgun rider.

:) Thanks Babe :)

Needed this

Drowning in our escapades

Brambly arms outstretched to weeping heavens
Thick shrouds of gray illuminated under yellow industrial light cast down 

Interrogating empty sidewalks
Drizzly peace interrupted by wailing sirens that call to empty streets

Her thoughts hold loyalty only to him

Having been hiding a midst broken promises and forgotten dreams 

She strays a jaded path of bewilderment
Dreamscapes of far away places
Under canopies of constellations
Stowing away in mountainous powder coated cabins
Outstretched on glittery seashores
Scrambling up trunks to childlike houses
Dipping into bubbling sulfur waters
Her bones sluff off the remnants of a fragmented shell

Lost in blue seas of familiarity framed with subtle waves of laughter
Sharing a calming caress of skin that produces sensations 

A lust much too deep for their seemingly short life

Refusing to allow the denial of her power

She had been incognizant to the extent in which she masks

He lifts her face to the sun and kisses quiet promises to her forehead 

Words flounder to equate suitable meaning

Failing to find their way to her lips

Settling for a gaze locked

Cemented in a moment

Conversations void of articulation 

Reticent plans for an unseen future

Humble everyday exploits

Contented fireside evenings

Sweet breakfast exchanges

Hopes of little feet tipping down the hall

Climbing between them to hide from monsters under the bed

Savoring shared milestones

Reveling in one anothers waning youth

She had been prepared to undergo it alone

Feeling that the unaccompanied thwart the languished

What began as unpleasantness in the absence of his company

Swiftly deviated to a harrowing vacancy

She could no longer find contentment in her indifference 

In him she found fulfillment

An ally in an adversarial world

Her muse

Her consort

In him she found home

And she loved him

In the way the moon loved the sun

Winter the summer

She loved him

Made me think of you

Thanks Brad, this is a good one and the radio conspired for perfect timing today.

Well, I won 2 dollars on a scratch-off ticket
So I went back to the counter and I bought 2 more with it
And I won 10 bucks and that was just right
So, I bought a six pack and a bag of ice

You know even if our ship came in and this is all we got
It ain’t like we really need a million dollar yacht, 'cause

[Chorus:]
We got an inner tube
We got a trailer hitch
We’re near the river and far from rich
But we have got each other and gas in the tank
We’re laughing all the way to the river bank

Still, can you imagine if we ever struck it
I’d go shoot tequila, take a lime and suck it
And we’d tell our bosses they can do the same
We’ll find a big cruise ship and buy the whole dang thing

We’d sail around the world and go to shore in a dingy
But till that dream comes true why don’t you grab your bikini 'cause

[Chorus]

However it goes (whatever happens),
We’ve got it made (in these shades)
'Cause baby we can float (behind this boat)
We can ride away

[Chorus:]
We got an inner tube
We got a trailer hitch
We’re near the river and far from rich
But we have got each other and gas in the tank
And it's a beautiful day.
We’re laughing all the way
To the river bank

50 Things I wish for my baby brother

I will always give credit where credit is due. I encountered an amazing blog post to a little sister.
(Which I will share here when I find a more direct link)
Only having one sibling, a little brother, I felt the need to make this very touching piece fit for us.

Love you little buddy.

1. Love and understanding for yourself. You will love all the wrong hearts before you realize the strength of your own.

2. Laughter. Lots of side cramping, belly jiggling laughter that lights up the room and world around you.

3. Friendship in the forever variety. May you find true lifelong friendships that out last continents and time.

4. Inspiration in every form. Music, resilient men, strong women, and inspiration in the faces of your son and future children.

5. Patience. In the right amount. Endless when needed however with an abrupt end for those who try to tear you down.

6. Resilience. I wish for you a suit of armor that helps carry you through the darkest times. You are a survivor.

7. A sense if wonder. I wish for your world to continue to open up throughout your lifetime. Trips to far away places, wonderous people, and cultures not your own.

8. Humility. I wish for you to remain soft. Life is too precious for this world to harden you. Remain forever a student to what lessons it has to offer.

9. Many sunsets and sunrises with good company and once in a while, in complete solitude.

10. Dreams not dampered by what your current world view deems possible.

11. Emotionally riveting experiences that shatter everything you once believed.

12. Hard, unexpected, shoves from behind that completely push you out of your comfort zone so that you can learn to expand the comfortable world you think you live in.

13. The strength to stand by your convictions in the face of any opposition.

14. Courage, but not the absence of fear.

15. Never lose touch with your heart. May you may you let it be your guide.

16. May you capture the hearts of a few lucky women who will treat yours with the same care and kindness I know you will treat theirs.

17. May your earth shatter, and may you be smacked awake by stunning revelations in one or two of those relationships. May you grow from this either positive or negative experience.

18. Nights spent counting the stars.

19. Loud music that speaks to your soul and pulls you to your feet.

20. Kisses that make your heart stop.

21. The ability to let go of things not meant for you.

22. Passion.

23. A career worth falling in love with.

24. The ability to see how powerful you are as a man among men.

25. The understanding that you will ALWAYS have family to fall back on when life seems to get out of control.

26. Coffee and late night games of Risk.

27. Enough self worth to never be pushed around.

28. A true understanding of what beauty is and where it really exists.

29. Take out, sweatpants, and Netflix.

30. Sabaticals from technology so that you can stay in touch with your roots.

31. Many missed shots at beautiful elusive big game so that when your arrow does find it's target, you can truly appreciate the delicate balance of life.

32. A safe place to call home.

33. Many boys nights out, turning heads -- or hanging out in your living room playing cards or video games.

34. The fortitude to keep moving forward after a few idiots break your heart.

35. Pets. A loyal canine companion and whatever reptile your heart desires. So that you can share with your children the same love, compassion, and tenderness you have always had for our four legged companions. I hope they live long full lives so that you too can stand by your son in the end and teach him how to grieve the loss of a loved one.

36. Enough snow days to make you appreciate the sunny ones and enough sunny ones to make you crave the snowy ones.

37. The time to continue to indulge in all of your hobbies.

38. People you can call when you are feeling lost (other than me, of course).

39. The wisdom to never lose sight of your greater purpose in life.

40. The belief that you never have to rush any stage of your life, and that you should be able to enjoy all of them for the wonders that they each possess.

41. Exposure to some of the world's most unique and time-honored displays of artistic splendor. May you read the greatest novels, witness the most acclaimed theatrical performances and be moved by remarkable artwork. May you always appreciate their brilliance.

42. Immeasurable moments of pride that you can have in yourself and in your accomplishments. You have come so far.

43. The faith needed to be able to sustain any religion or belief of your choice that may give you a sense of purpose and love.

44. People who will teach you new ideas and constantly provide you with new perspectives and feedback.

45. Knowledge that intellectually challenges you and inspires a hunger for wisdom inside of you.

46. The wedding of your future wife's dreams. I hope that it fulfills your desires as well and that your love for one another is one meant for storybooks.

47. A woman I can confidently say will love you forever and give you all that you need in this world. A woman I can raise my glass to at that reception and give my baby brother away to, knowing that she will be a devoted wife and best friend to one of the most important things I have in my life.

48. Children. Ones that carry your smile and laugh and remind you of what's really important in life. Late night bedtime stories, tea parties, and legos. May you have many sleepless nights rocking crying babies so that you truly appreciate the moments of joy and laughter.

49. Family. Late nights playing Santa followed by Christmas mornings full of surprise and wonder. Movie nights, beach trips, candle lit board games when the lights go out, ball games, swim lessons, and pumpkin patches.

50. My lasting love. May you always understand that I will be here forever. I will be there when you move into a crappy little apartment -- to order pizza and eat it on the empty living room floor. I will be there to toast to your marriage. I will be there sobbing as I hold each of my little nieces or nephews with more love than I could have ever comprehended. I will be there when our kids are growing and we have to call each other and laugh at the ridiculous things they do. I will be there through career changes. I will be there as we grow old and start to develop smile lines from our years of laughter. I will be there when we have no one in our family left but the two of us.

I remember the day you were born and I held you, I sat with you in the hospital during some of your darkest times, and I will hold you forever. That is my final wish, and promise, for my amazing little brother.

Naked

Hope

An absolute necessity in this life. Those that meander without hope are truly lost.

"Three grand essentials in life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." - Joseph Addison

Most difficult if finding hope within. One lives for the hope of becoming a memory....







more thoughts to come, needed to tag them down somewhere before they run away from me




 back to work i go for now

Broken

Thoughts never published from a few months ago

Hands full of shattered glad hearts woven with thread tattered by lost hopes and needles bent with pressure

Hookie

Playing hookie from life today with my mother as the primary enabler. Not letting any of the shit get in the way of a beautiful, extraordinarily nice weather, beach adventure with the children. I don't think I could ever live anywhere that the ocean and the forest were too far to drive for a day trip. Still recharging my batteries though I fear everything else is depleating them too quickly to every gain a full charge.

Choke

Not sure what's wrong with me. I 've had many difficult conversations and been the instigator.... I just can't even choke the words out to get started. I'd say I'm too tired but that's a lie, it's on MY mind constantly. I didn't even do anything wrong this time, why does the fear have a death grip on my throat? Shouldn't this be the one place that I should be able to have such conversations? Not sure what to do.... Maybe therapy...

The words literally won't come out...

Roads Traveled

I really don't know where to begin with this. There is a tornado of barely recognizable ideals and morals playing a ferocious game of capture the flag with reality and conveluded attempts at reason and understanding. On continues the games through the dreamscapes into the early morning hours only to be set slightly out of sight with the welcome white static of the days necessary tasks. How has it come to this place of complete complacency with sacrificial values?

I'm not sure at which juncture back on what shadowy road that I let my stead fast, slightly feminist, ethics regarding what will and will not be acceptable loom off. Just out of reach but yet I maintain the outlines of their figures against the night sky. This road I meandered carelessly onto is all too familiar. I veil my eyes and can comfortably feel my way down the worn path, carefully stepping over rocks and avoiding branches.

I can sense that although the trees have grown I find myself closer to their brambly tops. Puzzled at how my own growth seems to be catching that of the leafy curtains that sway together to obstruct my view. I can feel my shadow back on the lower road, whispering through the crisp air, calling to me to rendezvous at the nearest intersection.

Fear of what predator watches from the depths of the woods crawls up from the pit of my stomach, the primitive survival instinct, like battery acid that burns the back of my throat. I can begin to smell it as it pimples my arms and weighs down my legs. The salt stings the corners of my eyes as I fight back to maintain the clarity in my vision. There is no indication of what is that is paralyzing about the usual comfort of my own woods.

Only moments ago I bathed in the sweet refreshing comfort of my steady stream. The water that washes away lonelieness and contributes to the cycle of sustinance, breathing life into all that roots near its edge, has been tarnished by an upstream intruder on the quiet land. Its waters are graying and rolling with more turbulance over the large stones. It seems the life forces that have required the existance of the stream for its survival have unknowingly made a blood pact to stand faithfully stead fast and weather the change without any knowledge of the outcome.

Over time, the foliage begins to lose its vibrance. The flowers still bloom however from sadder buds, and the 4 legged ones visit only when the steam sleeps.

Who is this unknown entity that has begun to tarnish the once clear refreshing waters? There is more bite to the dip of a toe and less comotion in the absence of pollywogs and water skippers.

During moments of temporary shifts in currents on the wind I can smell the unwelcome party. The scent overpowers the putrid battery acid on my breath choked down by the necessity of progress. Fear duels with rage at the impact on my surroundings that the intruder has gifted. Though its intentions do not smell of havok and pain, they appear to be absent of regard and accountability. Life near the stream will not thrive in the presence of the most vile of impurities.

The scales falter back and forth between
familiarity without vibrance and in the absence of genuine intimacy opposed to
Fresh adventure riddled with uncertainty, painful growth, and a reuniting with the wandering shadow of my ideals and morals

Dear Girl

You are worthy
You are beautiful
You are smart and funny
You are worthy of all the love, affection, and attention that you desperately need and desire
This world is not going to give it
This is not a reflection of your being or your actions
You are worthy....

ToBeContinued...

What's the agenda

At work, providing safety type skills training to parent when parent spouts off with spiel on instilling his homophobic values in his kid.... My job is not to educate bigots. Although refraining from doing so.... REALLY REALLY fucking hard. I had to literally bite my lip to keep the words from cascading out of my mouth. "so in 4 years when your son tells you he is gay.... How you gonna handle that?"

Definitely need some supervision around that one. Ignorance.... Ugh...

I really hope for your kids sake that he is not gay... Or his 20's are gonna really suck.

Purpose

The steadfast idea that we are here as a result of a magical being's idea and preoccupation drives me nuts. Really sit and think about that a moment. Does our very existence and pursuit of happiness hinge on the need for an explanation regarding how we got here so badly that were really going to buy into this divine creation bit? Its all pretty far fetched. Perhaps if we put a little more energy into what we do with what we have, this place wouldn't be such a mess. Afterall, it seems rather self serving to act in accordance with a a structure instituted by man in the name of god with the root of its pirpose to please him and in turn secure our own ticket upstairs.  How about empathy? Why is it not enough to act out of simple understanding? Don't help the homeless guy  on the on ramp cause its what God would want you to do. Help him because, one seeing turn and it could be any one of us. Help him because he too bleeds, hungers, feels pain, feels joy. Help him because we all deserve dignity. Help him so that one day, should you find yourself on a street corner, a version of yourself may come along and help you.

Penance

There is a penance we pay, whether it be in this life or the next.
I can only hope that the energy I have coming back to me I have the opportunity to square away in this life rather than stave it over to the next. I am uncertain how limited my time here is and if nothing else goes according to my grandiose childhood plan, I hope to at least leave this life, squared off, face to face, staring it down, with a sigh of acceptance and some small fleck or recognition to a balance in my eyes.

I finally see myself for who i really am and have let go of the wistful idea of trying to peek through another eyes for the sake of some outsiders understanding. I do not wish to be liked or even necessarily accepted through others eyes. I only wish for some moderate sense of understanding. Without deeper understanding, one can not begin to claim acceptance. Perhaps I have just begun to understand myself in a more revealing light that I have made peace with all that I am and am not. I have very modest expectations for others perceptions and ideas. Understanding is not an exaggerated expectation to hold.

For all of this understanding, I have a deeper grasp on reality. I wish others near me could share this. It has a tenancy to make life a little smoother. There is so much others covet, my imperfect self included, that simply isn't real. As a result, truth and authenticity are too often lost in the shuffle. We over complicate the whole mess of it.

I didn't think when I started that I would be able to end this abruptly. I sit here, with my 4 legged companion, television on pause, his candle and ashes on the table next to me, and I am more calm and more content than I could have hoped for. Initially sitting with this, I expected pages to pour out. Its in there somewhere but these short bursts lately are leaching it out of me quicker than I can find the means to replace it.

I am trying to to numb myself this year and have probably failed miserably. I have stood up for, and followed through with my process, my grief that I only allow to sneak in and wreak havoc but once a year. I don't ask for much, I make great effort to push down any ego and selfishness. This one time a year, I ask for selfish things. I ask to be able to mourn, forget, or celebrate in whichever way my heart and mind need to in the moment. I choose to allow my few precious days to be free of intruding schedules and prying constrictions. I choose how, when, and where to cope, if I choose to at all. I choose to be in my home when the floodgates open. I refuse to let other guilt me into being disloyal to this process I have developed. Its too important, the events were too traumatic. I choose to be selfish, do what i need to do for myself, so the other 362 days of the year, I can go back to doing for others.