Beat...

With a baseball bat... Or so I feel... Is this just getting old? Im not old enough to be this sore at the end of a day I didn't do anything exceptionally rigorous... Wtf?!?!

Love

Interesting meditation the other day... Curious where those that where a part of it perceive me on the spectrum. Will have to find it and post, really should stop caring how others perceive me. Even when my integrity is true though some don't seem to get the genuine me... Damned I do, damned if I don't

Feeling needy...

Not sure why
Just going to go to bed
Going to miss the hell out of you this weekend
wish we were going together
Or staying together
Family obligations
I'll secretly be jealous
Though it was me that choose to stay
Wish you looked at me when I was talking to you
I know you have been telling other people were distant
I'm right here
I'm not going astray
Seems I have a lot of conversations
With myself lately
Wish your thoughts were more clear
We could snuggle to a movie
Like not so very long ago
Put all the electronics away
I see you
I hear you
I'm with you...

Turbulance

Oh what times these are...

Doing what I can to pull my head together. So much that requires my focus which seems virtually non existent by the time the kids are in bed.

It has been a great summer, I have felt like my family has spent quality time together unlike we really ever have. One Uncle is back around which is refreshing and inspiring and the other is locked up leaving behind an ugly sense of relief for all those involved... How young is too young to start telling the kids the truth? I know 3 and 5 aren't it but when???  I resent being forced to lie to my children and I won't make excuses for a missed Christmas or Birthday... This sucks...

We are all here for something... i don't believe many of us figure it out, the fortunate ones do i suppose. Perhaps we even choose the people in our lives before we get here. It is all bigger than our our jobs, the individual people in our lives, our children... though they may be a part of it... it is much bigger. Perhaps it is something we did learn or screwed up in our last life... something we need to make amends for, a value we need to learn, a wrong we need to wright, another life even that we perhaps needs to intervene on, or a combination of many... Every obstacle, challenge, an opportunity pushed in front of us to steer onto the path we are here to be on...

I think I am figuring out mine... I'm very sad when those i love get lost and can not find theirs... I am very thankful for those that have stuck by me in the process of all of this and continue to stick by me through my grieving...