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I decided to blog today....
10 years ago
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Crazy Busy
Today is Kai's Birthday. Time to slow down a little bit. I am at work so this will be brief but I am sure I will write a novel later this evening. Thinking about leaving work early. I though it would be good for me to be here but I am not sure there is really anywhere super helpful right now. I think I just need to go home and sleep a bit longer.
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I just wanted you to know that I thought about you and Kai so much today (10/25/08). I was sure that you were probably having a rough day, but I was honestly struggling to stay composed myself. I wasn't sure if talking about it was a good idea, and so I tried to avoid the subject and our conversations were short and sweet. I ended up going out to the bar w/my parent's at 430pm, when the game didn't start til 7. Got drunk early, and stayed out w/Smiz for Mr. Myron's b-day. Trying to not think about it just kept making it worse...then it was too late to call, so the drinking kept on. I'm regretting the fact that I didn't mention it to you that day...I feel like an ass, I'm afraid that my actions may have made you think that I didn't care, or even worse, that I forgot all together. Now it's been a week or so, and the pain and weight of it seems to get worse each day. I'm sorry that sometimes I'm not the best at telling you what I'm feeling when I'm feeling it, but I do think I'm getting better at it. I wish you would do the same, as I'm sure it was buggin you and you also said nothing. If you wanna talk at all, let me know, I'm always here for you, and would like to be someone that you turn to when you are down. I need to be that person for you....for me. I need to know that you want & need me to be that person for you. I know it won't change the way I acted, or how I dealt w/the situation, but I'm sorry. I love you very much, and I'm trying to do everything in my power to make postive changes in my life for you, me and US. I want nothing more than to make this whole thing work out, hope you know that, and more importantly, hope you want the same. Loving and thinking of you.....
Hello dear Mel. I came to your writing through http://sweetbabywhispers.blogspot.com/ which notes she follows your blog. You are a wonderful writer, so sensitive and expressive. You have lived well. Please let me know more about you.
Love, Michal Ann
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