Snow at 1 am

I don't know what sparks these sudden urgent needs to write it just sort of hit... hard. Perhaps it is the complete black out of all that is while driving at 1am through snowy winter weather watch sort of conditions, similar to that it takes to spin flaming wicks at the end of 3 foot chains dancing around ones head. Maybe it was the couple at the grocery store getting weeks worth of food with their food stamps in front of me. Both obviously with some slight delays however no doubt on the high functioning side. Something about the mans gentleness with her and his casual joking comments about Winco getting another checker out soon so I wasn't stuck behind him until next Tuesday. Perhaps it was the soda he put back so she could get a few of her luxury items since both could not be afforded. Quiet, sweet, simple, clear, and uncomplicated. He took the cart and made it a point to open the van door for her. Both unloaded the cart quickly. Envy. returning home with the same focus only slightly more on edge after turning sideways a few times, focused on my best winter driving abilities and the blaring sound of Nickelback I can only clearly hear through my left ear. Returning home to check on the little ones only to find one wet the bed. Something is sometimes very grounding about a clear mind running into the motherly domestic duties of waking a 4 year old to clean her, redress her in warm clothes, changing bedding (being ever so careful to check each of the 40+ items including blankets, pillows, dolls, and stuffed animals to be sure nothing tht doesn't have to be washed isn't removed from her bed), and then tucking her snuggly back in bed only aft r pointing out the fresh blanket of snow iwth the prospect of making snow men in the morning. I can rejoice in moments of such semblance of sanity. Only to be hit further home after 20 minutes of quiet by a heart jerking cry of another one woken up from a bad dream. No sleeping alone tonight. Somehow I am not hesitant tonight or disrupted in any way by the inevitable foot in my neck that I can expect within an hour or so, waking me from my first taste of restful sleep that should have been found hours ago.... Hopefully it continues to snow enough for a snow day tomorrow. I think we are in a good space for it, sleep or not.

Lying

Quotes about lying... it's always facinating to see what sor tof quotes the internet can find on particular topics... food for thought for a later post i am sure....

“The truth is always an insult or a joke, lies are generally tastier. We love them. The nature of lies is to please. Truth has no concern for anyones comfort" - Arturo Binewski.”
― Katherine Dunn

“The truly scary thing about undiscovered lies is that they have a greater capacity to diminish us than exposed ones. They erode our strength, our self-esteem, our very foundation.”

― Cheryl Hughes

“Over time, any deception destroys intimacy, and without intimacy couples cannot have true and lasting love.”

― Bonnie Eaker Weil

“So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naïve, I feel!”

― Eddie Izzard
(ok this one was just for fun because Eddie Izzard is my personal hero)

“But you can't make people listen. They have to come round in their own time, wondering what happened and why the world blew up around them. It can't last.”

― Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

“It's not lying when you do it to officers!”

― Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment
(HAHAHAHA! Agreed! Its self preservation!)

“Integrity is a bugger, it really is. Lying can get you into difficulties, but to really wind up in the crappers try telling nothing but the truth.”

― David Mitchell, Ghostwritten
 
“We need falsifications to make the past inhabitable.”

― Frans Kellendonk

“The wise thing is for us diligently to train ourselves to lie thoughtfully, judiciously; to lie with a good object, and not an evil one; to lie for others' advantage, and not our own; to lie healingly, charitably, humanely, not cruelly, hurtfully, maliciously; to lie gracefully and graciously, not awkwardly and clumsily; to lie firmly, frankly, squarely, with head erect, not haltingly, tortuously, with pusillanimous mien, as being ashamed of our high calling.”

― Mark Twain

“You think it’s because they’re lying? Nonsense! I like it when people lie! Lying is man’s only privilege over all other organisms. If you lie--you get to the truth! Lying is what makes me a man. Not one truth has ever been reached without first lying fourteen times or so, maybe a hundred and fourteen, and that’s honorable in its way; well, but we can’t even lie with our own minds! Lie to me, but in your own way, and I’ll kiss you for it. Lying in one’s own way is almost better than telling the truth in someone else’s way; in the first case you’re a man, and in the second—no better than a bird! The truth won’t go away, but life can be nailed shut; there are examples. Well, so where are we all now? With regard to science, development, thought, invention, ideals, aspirations, liberalism, reason, experience, and everything, everything, everything, we’re all, without exception, still sitting in the first grade! We like getting by on other people’s reason--we’ve acquired a taste for it! Right? Am I right?”
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky
(read a lot of Dostoyevsky in college, forgot how much i like his writing and how it forces one to really think... weather you agree with the content or not.)


Weird stuff to ponder... I like therapy.

Shut up I know its Beyonce!

If I were a boy
even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning
and throw on what I wanted and go

Drink beer with the guys
and chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted
and I'd never get confronted for it
cause they stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
so they'd think that I was sleeping alone

I’d put myself first
and make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’ll be faithful,
waiting for me to come home, to come home.

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake,
think i'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
you thought wrong

But you're just a boy
You don't understand
and you don't understand, ohhhh
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you're taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

But you're just a boy