Fuck you Monday

Seemingly the theme as of late
Not sure what to do with myself, kinda feeling like the weight of a thousand task rests glaringly over me
Meticulously plan and execute an event for which is way out of my league, kids class project, write a program, catch up on ever so haunting paperwork, put my best hat on for a lateral move to a now demanding job with higher stakes requiring more of my time that I've worked 2 years towards, find a new place, move, re-settle, all the while there at dentist appointments for tooth extractions, doctor check ups, vet appointments, small claims to file, credit recovery battle, and not to mention everything going on daily with raising busy children...
Seriously?!?
I'm really just human, that's all, I promise nothing more

The Laundromat Diaries

Ha ha ha, another one from a while ago saved in my drafts

There are many things to consider when resorting to any sort of community laundry facilities. The general ones are:

*Do not assume someone won't take your half clean underwear. There is always done pervert or desperate for clothing individual out there that will decide finders keepers. Unless the machine you areusing locks while in use and you plan to be back before the load is finished, do not leave it unattended!
*Common sense, along with clothing, do not leave change or soap if any kind unattended or consider it a donation.
*Bring soap and quarters, the machines at expensive and will rob you from time to time. You won't get your $ back.
*Personal safety, don't be a jerk but always look, be aware of who is around you, and don't let yourself get caught off guard. All walks of life is laundromats!

Washing machine strategy:
*Here is where it pays to use the biggest, industrial washer in the place and STUFF IT.
*Always use hot water, you have no idea when it was cleaned last or who used it last
*Due to the above, if you must wash a load in cold water, or if you are washing children's/baby items, run a load of sheets or towels (preferably a load of whites or towels you can run hot with a ton of soap, bleach, and as hot as it will go) first, then run your cold load or baby load in the same washer. This way it is as clean as its going to get.
*ALWAYS pay mind to who just pulled their clothes out of machine before you put yours in, use common sense...

Dryer strategy:
*These usually charge per time not per load so do not overload these, it won't save you $. Split your overloaded washer load between 2 dryers and use high heat.
*If your trip is getting spendy, you can always dry your laundry halfway, then take it bone and strew it around the house overnight to finish drying
*Usually, all the dryers are stacked together along the back wall. Use a top one, preferably next to and above others in use. Or if using multiple, cluster them together. Is easier to keep track of this way, and you may get a slight benefit in your top dryers (heat rises).

Ever have that moment...

The one where you do something really stupid and right as your doing it you think "fucking jack ass..." But its a millisecond too late for the info to get from your brain to your body to quick enough to stop??? Like scalding the inside of your mouth on the coffee you just made from cheap instant coffee mix and rolling boil water... Yeaaaaaaah....

Fucking ouch...

Idiot

Clean

Cleaning.... But trying to do so to the extent that nothing is left in a corner without its intent to be in that particular corner. Exhausting but being rather hard on myself. I want my home to have intent, makes me feel less chaotic and puts my thoughts in order... We shall see how it goes. I feel that the homework (work paper work I can't seem to catch up on during work hours) and free writing will come smoother when my surroundings are full of intent...
If I don't blog again tonight it didn't work...

Bandaids (with stupid auto correct edit)

Camo bandaids are tough! Especially when you discover you mysteriously split your knuckle open....

I should go to bed... Really

Frustrated

Why the hell does it feel like I have to take a lead roll in everything?!? I'm really not interested in doing it all by myself. I don't have time or energy for the responsibility and ultimately something has to suffer which is a consistently rotating aspect in my life. I'm told to find the balance and I get on myself feeling like I'm not working hard enough then I hit 10 or 11 days straight of going until I pass out on the couch trying to salvage what little sleep there is to be had between midnight mommy duties, demanding emails, putting laundry away, dog walks, and if I get lucky... An occasional shower... All to wake up and attend to the needs of those whose are exponential and the very little one has to offer will never be enough. Let's just be real, I never signed up, entered a drawing for, proclaimed to be, nor tried out for super-mom. I feel this is a much larger rant to eventually evolve into some sort of slam poetic form however I have too much other shit to do...

Cats outta the bag

Really mixed emotions right now. Will write about it tomorrow once it all sinks in and I have a real keyboard...

To reformat or not to reformat, that is the question

So... I have been on blogger for a LONG time... several years (I go for long negligent periods where i let it wither). Blogger now has all sorts of fun new templates that they didn't have before. All they had when i started was a number of different "looks" to it (themes). Really debating if i want to remain die hard to the original simple version now before you or if i want to get creative and fun. Hmmm...

Al, if i do change it, your blog is my inspiration!  The Hippies Lied To Me

Dampening

SOOOOOOOOO MUCH THAT NEEDS MY FOCUS!!!!

Wake up. Fully energized. Coffee, smoke, kids off to school, meeting....Still goin. Crap at work. Impossibilities of heart tugging job. Wash it away as I leave the office. Get the kids. Smiling faces and kisses on the cheek. My life preservers in the turbulence. Grab a late evening cup of coffee. Still energized for a long night ahead of productivity to school auction duties, house cleaning, and some attention to my thoughts. Singing in the car with the kids to rediculous radio songs for 20 minutes all the way to the driveway. Its dark way too early. Porch light is off, house is at least warm. Flip the light on. Usher children inside and retrieve armloads of the days things from the car. Let the dog out. Gets kids in pjs. Sit on the couch and completely deflated...
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No energy. No spark. Damn near impossible to complete the simplest of tasks. Flooded with emotion that blurs my vision. Love this home. Love arriving at it with mini me's in tow. Love this pup. So. Much. To. Do. And. I. Can't. Clear. My. Head. Enough. To. Get. Off. The. Couch....

Can I go here?!?!?! (EDITED)

My Future Home

Actually... here!


Might as well go big huh? Love it all the way down to the bathrooms... now for 7-8 digits...

Gratitude i guess is where i begin tonight

I am truly at a loss. I don't know where to start. I have several pieces I have begun and not finished enough to even post on a stupid blog with sporadic readers at best. So tonight, I simplify my thoughts down to most basic of gracious gestures...

My beautiful intelligent amazing children, my supportive family, my loyal pup, my comfortable safe home, my team of amazing women (and now a few men) coworkers who walk through the shadowy underworld every day in an attempt to help a few lost souls.  My families that are forever my greatest teachers and heroes in their strength and perseverance.  My country that for the first time appears to be willing to choose hope for a more equal future, my relationships, present and past, for all the lessons about life, love, loss, and most of all about myself.  My running water, the heat from my vents, my lights in dark winter nights, even my freakin internet to keep me sanity and company when those winter nights are sleepless.  My car that has persevered through my constant long distant abuse and ridicule and continues to carry my family from destination to destination safely.  My amazing friends whom, though we all live very separate and busy lives, are faithfully at my side when the need arises. My health, my vision, my hearing, the acuteness of all of my senses.  My sanity though sometimes it may feel in question it remains with me on the most basic levels.  Freedom to write, think, feel, and choose my own direction in life. The freedom, sobriety, and stability of those around me that i love dearly and admire their fight and struggle every day. I am grateful for the reminders in the universe, the little signals that i am headed in either the right or wrong direction that also signify a strengthening bond between myself and the higher energy i am connected with. My sleep when it decides to agree with me and even when it doesn't my sleeplessness often lends me insight to what needs more attention in my personal universe....


I am sure more hashing out of shit in my head to come.

The Secret & The Moses Code...

Notes to self from over a year ago...

Some stuff to contemplate here...

Law of attraction
Gratitude

Ask
Actualize
Envision having it and gratitude - feel it

Connectedness

Oneness

life we live being sufficient for the purpose we are being called for

the giving of ourselves

called to a greater degree of serving human kind, your family, those you come in contact with

wired so that you know you are on track with the aliveness you feel

28

28 Pageviews!?!?!

I hope ya'll read my disclaimer... im sure its somewhere on here. This is my "In my head ranting" space. I appreciate it is actually getting looked at though i take into no consideration whatsoever who may read this so be kind and take it all with a grain of salt. Shit... if i keep getting ANY kind of traffic i may actually have to write more than once or twice here and there. This crap usually goes months with maybe 1 or 2 random pageviews from germany or something...

I wont live or die that way....

Stuck in my head...

"You say your down on your luck
hey baby, its a long, long way up
hold back now, hold back your fears
you say your really down and out
and you feel like theres no way out now
let go now, let go you tears some more

How many times have you asked yourself
is this the hand of fate that i've been dealt?
you're so disillusioned this can't be real
and you cant stand now the way you feel

I don't care about what they say
i wont live or die that way
tired of figuring things on my own
angels wings wont you carry me home

and when your down on your luck
hey baby, its a long, long way up
hold back now, hold back your fears
and when your really down and out
and you feel like theres no way out now
let go your tears some more


and when your down on your luck
hey baby, its a long, long way up
hold back now, hold back your fears
and when your really down and out
and you feel like theres no way out now
let go your tears some more

I triumphed in the face of adversity
and i became the man i never thought id be
and now my biggest challenge, a thing called love
i guess im not as tough as i thought i was

I dont care about what they say
Im gonna marry you some day
go ahead and wake up, its a brand new day
Angels wings gonna carry you away
Angels wings gonna carry me away
Angels wings gonna carry us away..."

Cant get it the fuck out of my head... at least its a good one...

Betrayal

Saw an interesting piece on betrayal a bit ago... It seemd to be a funny thing. All too many seem to get so wrapped up in the idea that life has somehow betrayed them and I watch it consuming those around me. Some of it is seen far off in the horizon that we choose ever so carefully to ignore. Others come out of the dark foggy 3am mist and slam us against the wall like a freight train. Betrayal of friends, acquaintances, material objects, drugs, thoughts, ideas, notions, love, vehicles,
those distant and those sitting next to us...