A begining of what... I don't know

AHHHHHH! Finally a space to vent and type aimlessly without feeling like I have to stick to just the kids! This is really more for me than anyone else however you are always welcome to take a look inside my head and comment if you feel the need.

I got my Share Newsletter today. Its an 8-10 page booklet put out by a pregnancy/infant loss support group. In it they talk about fundraiser events, support resources, along with poems and stories shared by members. I don' think its comes quite monthly as it always seems to come about the time i forget about it.

Anyways, it strikes up a lot from somewhere deep in me anytime it shows up. I thought once or twice about requesting to be taken off the list even though it really is a good newsletter; I always seem to have a much more difficult day when it comes. I know though that all of this emotion is not a bad thing. In fact I am sure it is healing to read through other peoples stories and writings to reaffirm that I am not alone in these experiences. It never fails, there is always one good one that by the time I get a few lines into it, I can no longer see through my tears to read.

As a result of today's tearful reading I came across a woman who makes and sells loss memorabilia such as ribbons and bracelets (like the livestrong one but for infant loss) and scrapbook items. (which is brilliant seeing as "new baby" and "babys first steps" dont really work to try and put together an album of ultrasounds and lifeless pictures of a child whose life was so very short and deprived of such things) I think when I get paid I might order a few, she sells them at a VERY reasonable price.

There also was a story that ended and referred to a blog here on blogspot. After searching around I found a ton of Blogs written by mothers with similar experiences. There is a really weird awkward peace to reading about someone else's struggles with such loss. Its pain I would never wish upon anyone however with it being such a difficult topic for anyone to really discuss with me, it puts my mind at ease to read my thoughts coming out through another who has been there too.

That's really what was on my mind for now. It feels good to get it all out. I am tired but a little too overwhelmed by life right now to sleep. Perhaps this will help.